So your spouse has done something you think is stupid or mean spirited. You are angry, and rightfully so! You want to approach the issue head on, maybe have an old fashioned argument. Stop! Give yourself some time to process. When you are no longer in the heat of the moment you may realize that your partner really did have good intentions, but even if you still disagree with what your partner did, you are going to be able to talk about it much more rationally. This article contains some helpful Anger Management tips that we, here at The Life Change Institute, have found helpful.
We are only human and when we are angry our imperfect human brains aren’t logical. The feelings of anger and our arguments become all about the person we are angry at and it is very difficult for us to separate the person from our anger. This is why it is so easy for arguments to slip from discussing an issue in a helpful way into stinging our partners with personal insults and barbs. Whatever you do, never argue while angry.
So what should we do when we are angry at someone we love? Be very, very careful. If needed, take ten minutes or an hour, whatever time you need to cool off. You may need to tell your significant other that what they said or did made you angry or upset and that you would really like to talk about it, but that you need X amount of time to cool off so that you can talk about it rationally. If I need time to cool off, I’ll often tell my husband that I love him, but that I need time to process. It’s amazing what saying “I love you” to your spouse can do to calm your own temper. It helps place the focus on the most important part of your relationship, mutual love and respect, so that you don’t lose sight of that and say something unnecessarily hurtful.
Finally, the old adage of not going to bed angry is a solid piece of advice. If you aren’t going to be able to cover a topic calmly that same day you may need to wait to discuss it until the next morning, but don’t let that get in the way of your relationship. Before bed put it out of your mind for the time being, acknowledge what you enjoy about each other, and focus on the good. In the morning you should be able to address the topic calmly.
Sources: Psychology Today, TIME, and Huffington Post.
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The Life Change Institute believes in restoring our clients to their optimum state of health and wellness and in establishing personal skills and practices to prevent future ill health and trauma. We are qualified professional therapists, coaches and trainers who design behavioral and lifestyle interventions to address the unique health and wellness needs of individuals, families, employers and healthcare providers.